


Sensei's Burden

by zuotian



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Chuunin Exams, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Surprise Second Chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-12-30 07:15:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18310772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zuotian/pseuds/zuotian
Summary: After the preliminaries, Gai and Kakashi talk about Lee and Sasuke. Emotions unresolved, Kakashi then encounters Kabuto. His conflict with Gai comes to a head afterward.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> watched lee vs gaara today, one of the best fights out of the whole show, and felt inspired :) i never noticed how often kakashi and gai are shown together even in the OG show. the flashbacks with them talking about lee, all the times they speak and the other is shown over their shoulder, i mean... come on!!!!! it's canon.

The entire arena was quiet as the medics carried Lee away - bloodied, broken, and, from this day forward, purposeless. Kakashi stood on the floor fractured by combat, one arm around Naruto, but he was not paying attention to his uproarious student any longer. He watched Gai, whose frame shaked with slight tremors.

 

“Gai,” he called out, breaking the silence. He wondered what he would do if they weren’t surrounded by fellow jounin and their genin; decided he’d be at as much of a loss if they were alone. He settled on something safe, not necessarily sympathetic, but enough to show his support. “About what I said earlier...it was out of line. I’m sorry.”

 

Kakashi informed Gai of his opinion on the Eight Gates long before Gai had ever taken Lee on as a student. It was a suicidal technique. No mortal had the physical capacity to withstand its effects. There were several missions when Kakashi had to carry a fatigued, post-Lotus Gai back to Konoha. Each successive Gate opening was a strike to Kakashi’s heart, another ability turned liability for which Gai had most certainly paid. Kakashi should’ve felt gratified knowing Gai was suffering through the same dilemma now, but it wasn’t satisfying in the slightest.

 

Gai remained silent, staring at the arena exit. After a quick glance at the befuddled proctor, Kakashi switched his technique.

 

“Come on. The next match can’t start with us standing here. Let’s go up.”

 

Wordlessly, Gai nodded and moved toward the staircase. Kakashi followed, dragging Naruto behind him. Naruto launched into a series of questions about Gai and Lee and promises to kick Gaara’s ass. Kakashi didn’t want to ruin his venting by pointing out that if Lee couldn’t beat Gaara then no one could, because Naruto’s shouting distracted everyone from Gai as they passed. Stealth wasn’t his strong suit, but he made an excellent diversion tactic.

 

They made it back to their original spot along the railing. As the last two combatants went down to the floor, Sakura grabbed Naruto’s arm and reprimanded him for being a nuisance. Kakashi focused back on Gai, who stood stiff-shouldered beside his own students. Tenten’s mouth was pursed into a thin line and her eyes radiated concern. Neji looked unaffected save for his clenched fists. Their seniority over Team 7 was obviously apparent when they both kept quiet.

 

Kakashi had schooled himself back into a mask of cool nonchalance. Still, he leaned on the railing, imperceptibly close to Gai, and their sides brushed. Only Kakashi heard Gai’s brief inhalation at the touch.

 

His gaze drifted across the the arena toward Gaara. The kid looked bored, arms crossed as he stood with his team, but Kakashi wasn’t fooled. Everyone saw his shock at the power of Lee’s assault. If what his female teammate said was true, he’d never been touched at all. Lee proved his strength today in breaking through his defenses, but this wasn’t a matter of which shinobi was superior anymore. Gaara wasn’t a shinobi at all - he was a weapon, and if Kakashi were superstitious he’d call Gaara a demon. The boy held secrets beyond those inside of his mysterious gourd.

 

Soon, the final match concluded and just like that the preliminaries were over. The Sandaime went through his usual spiel about the finals but the speech felt out of place - this had been no ordinary exam. Both catastrophes in the Forest of Death and the arena were capped by Orochimaru’s infiltration. None of it boded well for Konoha.  

 

The air was somber and moody as everyone filtered out of the building, and Kakashi caught a glimpse of Anko conversing deeply with the Sandaime. Hiruzen squared a beady gaze at Kakashi before he left. Kakashi sighed to himself, falling back as Naruto and Sakura walked ahead. He’d no doubt be summoned to discuss his failure in detecting, securing, and reporting Orochimaru - which meant he didn’t have much time until he was called upon.

 

Gai had disappeared and Kakashi planned to catch up with him. Once they were on the other side of the Forest’s fence he ordered his students to go home and rest. He brushed off their questions about Sasuke - he was safe and stable and, at this point in the exam, that was apparently anyone could ask for. This annoyed Sakura and Naruto, but they were too exhausted to put up much of a fight. Kakashi remembered his own preliminaries and the dead sleep he fell into afterward - it was a shame that his students wouldn’t be able to appreciate it for themselves, worried as they were.

 

Nonetheless, they surrendered to his command. He saw them home then went off to find Gai.

 

The hospital was still treating genin downed in the Forest of Death on top of the recently fallen preliminary contestants, so the place was packed with staff, students, and teachers. Foreign senseis proceeded through the premises with suspicion and distaste - but there were no Sound nin to be found. Kakashi didn’t know where they holing up in the meantime; Hiruzen would probably leave the task to Anko and ANBU, unless he wanted to punish him.

 

Kakashi swept through the chaos, following Gai’s chakra signature like it was a beacon. He passed by Kurenai and Shino on their way back from visiting Kiba and Hinata, and politely paused; Kurenai slowed down to meet him.

 

“How are they?” he asked.

 

“They’ll survive,” she said. “I guess that’s all we can hope for right now.”

 

Kakashi nodded. “I was thinking the same thing.”

 

She frowned at him, then nudged Shino. “Go on. I’ll meet up with you in a moment.”

 

Ordinarily Shino was a respectful kid. Given the circumstances he was even more obedient, and left without comment.

 

Kurenai turned back to Kakashi once she was sure Shino made it down the hall. “This is a fucking mess.”

 

“I know,” Kakashi replied. “The Third’s going to chew all of us out.”

 

His peer scoffed. “I feel bad for Anko.” But the levity was short lived. Kurenai’s crimson eyes sharpened and she regarded Kakashi in a manner that meant she knew all that was going through his head. Besides Gai, Kakashi wasn’t particularly close to any of his year-mates, but as an elite genjutsu user Kurenai was perceptive to others’ thoughts and emotions. “You’re going to go see Gai.”

 

“And Sasuke,” Kakashi said. Partly to defend himself as a sensei and to dissuade Kurenai from reading into his intentions.

 

“I hope he’s doing well,” she said, not indicating who she was speaking of. “He needs you right now.”

 

If Kakashi had time he’d argue her point, whatever it was. Instead he simply nodded. “Thanks.”

 

“Hey, Kakashi…” She touched his arm just as he turned to leave. “Gai shouldn’t blame himself, and neither should you.”

 

He slid away without reply, then traversed blindly, not paying attention to room numbers or floor signs. He was surprised to find Gai standing outside of Sasuke’s room. Gai lifted his head and pushed off the wall at his appearance.

 

“Lee is in surgery,” Gai explained before Kakashi could ask. “I knew you’d come here next.”

 

Kakashi looked between Gai and the door, unsure of which problem to deal with first. Gai rolled his eyes and stepped into the room. The invisible ANBU standing guard let them enter without interference.

 

They walked quietly. Sasuke looked young and small as he laid unconscious in bed, his already pale skin bone-white. His eyes fluttered back and forth beneath his eyelids and his chest gently rose and fell with each deceptively calm breath. The exam and encounter with Orochimaru had taken all of his energy. Keeping the curse mark at bay, along with the sealing process, put his energy into the negatives. If it weren’t for the machines keeping pace with his heart Kakashi would think he was dead.

 

Kakashi sat down in the chair at his student’s bedside, while Gai stayed a customary distance away. “Thank you,” Kakashi said to Gai, though he was looking at Sasuke.

 

“I know you would’ve come to see Lee if you were able.”

 

The chair creaked as Kakashi turned around. “You can drop the act. He can’t hear anything, you know. It’s just us.”

 

Gai stared back at him stone-faced. “I am fine.”

 

After years of experience Kakashi knew the best way to get through Gai was to speak directly. It was something he respected, and respect compelled him to respond in kind. “Your student just gambled his future as a shinobi on the forbidden technique you taught him, and lost to someone who should be all accounts be dead. Gai, I saw it with the Sharingan. What happened with Gaara wasn’t natural.”

 

Gai froze, expression unchanged. Then, all at once, he fell slack and dropped his head. “It’s my fault,” he vowed gravely. “I made him believe in a lie.”

 

“A lie you’ve built your whole life on?” Kakashi asked.

 

“Yes,” Gai said with conviction. “I am a failure. I failed him as a teacher.”

 

“Join the club,” Kakashi drawled.

 

The remark spurred Gai to look up. “Sasuke was apprehended by an enemy in what you presumed to be a controlled setting. You are not to blame.”

 

“Then you aren’t either.” Gai humphed as he realized he’d been duped; Kakashi raised an eyebrow. “See what I did there?”

 

“It’s still not the same,” Gai dismissed. “You were right to be upset when you figured out about the Gates. I enabled Lee to make that choice. I encouraged it!”

 

“It’s what he wanted,” Kakashi argued. “You told me I didn’t know anything about Lee, but I do know something - without you, he wouldn’t have made it as far as he had. Without you, and without the Gates, he would’ve died.”

 

Gai’s face colored with rage. “Don’t say that!”

 

“It’s true.” Kakashi stood to his feet. He boxed Gai in against the wall, leaving him no route of escape besides through the window. “Do you remember when you first saw him at the Academy running drills? What did I say then?”

 

Gai lowered his voice, cognizant of Sasuke’s sleeping form and the hospital at large. They needn’t be interrupted by noise complaints. “Lee is _not_ like me. He is stronger than I ever was at his age.”

 

Inches apart, Kakashi could feel Gai’s barely contained anger. He didn’t mind it. It was his job to control it, channel it into something Gai could expel. Even if he was the victim it meant Gai would be unburdened. So he egged him on further: “Then that means he’s not going to give up like you are now.”

 

Gai twitched under the confines of Kakashi’s proximity; if they were anywhere else besides Sasuke’s hospital room he’d deck Kakashi in the face. “If you only came to say ‘I told you so,’ please save it,” he hissed. “My guilt cannot get any worse.”

 

In a change of tactics, Kakashi stepped back. “You think you’re the only teacher disappointed with himself today?”

 

“Sasuke’s situation doesn’t compare - “

 

“What about Kurenai, then?” Kakashi asked. “Hinata was bested by her branch cousin. Kiba lost to Naruto because of a _fart_.”

 

Gai looked away. Kakashi knew he wouldn’t leave - he’d never back down - but the reprieve gave him time to collect his thoughts. His argument was still weak. “They didn’t have as much at stake as Lee.”

 

“That’s not true,” Kakashi countered. “The problem isn’t the students. It’s about you as a teacher. _Kurenai_ didn’t have as much at stake as _you_ did.”

 

“You are the last person who should be lecturing me,” Gai snapped.

 

“Maybe not. But,” Kakashi pointed at Sasuke, “the only thing holding back Orochimaru’s curse is my blood and my seal,” he said, then shoved his hitae-ate up to reveal Obito’s parting gift, “and I’m the only person in the village who can teach him _this_ . Not to mention I’ve got Minato-sensei’s _kid_ to look after, and a girl who thinks she’s so worthless she can’t see her own strength.”

 

Gai’s face fell. He blinked, gobsmacked at Kakashi’s outburst. “Kakashi… I had no idea. You...you care for these children, don’t you?”

 

“Well,” Kakashi said at length. He stared at Gai’s barrel chest to avoid his sentimental gaze. “Maybe.”

 

Gai put his hands on Kakashi’s shoulders. They were large and warm and Kakashi melted under the touch, unaware of how desperately he wished for comfort since the scare with Orochimaru. “I am sorry, friend,” Gai murmured. “I was being inconsiderate.”

 

“It’s fine,” Kakashi quickly excused. Gai began massaging his neck whilst speaking, and he leaned into it. “You’re stressed.”

 

“So are you,” Gai said. “I didn’t even think to ask - I saw the seal, but - when did you?”

 

“I don’t want to get into it right now,” Kakashi sighed. “Wait till we debrief with the Third and you can hear all about it.”

 

“Of course,” Gai said. “Have you had any rest? You should sit.”

 

Kakashi hooked another chair with his foot and pulled it next to his own as Gai lead him back to Sasuke’s bedside. “You too.”

 

Gai obliged, and they sat side by side. Gai took his hand and they spent the next few moments in silence. Kakashi knew this wouldn’t be the end of their discussion. Gai was holding back the waterworks, the same way Kakashi was waiting for the right moment to have a nervous breakdown. They’d just taken the edge off, enough to adequately serve their students and their village. Everything else would wait until later, in the darkness of one of their apartments.

 

Kakashi snorted to himself. Gai squeezed his hand, a silent query.

 

“I never thought we’d being doing this,” he confessed, gesturing at nothing. “Sitting here with you like a pair of doting senseis.”

 

Gai chuckled. “I’m sure it won’t be the last time.”

 

“No,” Kakashi sighed, “it won’t.”

 

Gai fell back into a somber quiet. Kakashi pulled his mask off and slung his arm around Gai. Gai jolted at the sudden move, but didn’t resist when Kakashi pulled him close and gave him a soft, meaningful kiss.

 

“Feeling better yet?” Kakashi asked.

 

“No,” Gai said.

 

“Me neither.”

 

They kissed again anyway, until a cough made them break apart.

 

Sasuke looked up at them bleary-eyed, his mouth drawn in a confused pout.

 

“You’re dreaming, Sasuke-kun,” Kakashi whispered, reaching forward to close his eyes. His touch lingered, and he brushed the hair from Sasuke's face. “Go back to sleep.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspired by a commenter who requested additional material. i also thought this felt unfinished, so i added some more content. it does not resolve anything and there isn't a happy ending. tried to fit this into the actual canon plot better, but i omitted/rearranged a few things. abridged dialogue was lifted from the manga. 
> 
> kakashi why are you the way you are :(

The day had been long and Kakashi wanted nothing more than to go home, crawl into bed, and sleep for one thousand years. Unfortunately, that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

 

Gai’s absence at the jounin meeting went unacknowledged. Anko delineated the situation with Orochimaru on behalf of the Third under the implicit assumption that Kakashi would fill him in. Of course, Kakashi would, but it’d be nice if they asked him at least. Instead, Anko simply leveled him a neutral glare; Kakashi waved a dismissive assurance, and spent the rest of the debrief watching Asuma and Hiruzen’s gray tendrils of smoke compete with each other, as each man had a habit of puffing all throughout meetings. 

 

Everybody had a vice. Some people chainsmoked. Kakashi in particular devoured pornographic literature and constantly ruminated upon his rival turned best friend turned lover. He never looked like he was paying attention, which meant he could let his mind wander without reprimand. Thoughts of Gai and Lee plagued him. He half-listened to all pertinent information and spent the rest of his brain power brooding over the situation with Gai. 

 

He replayed their conversation in Sasuke’s room, then fetched for older memories. One stood out above the rest: the sensei conference regarding the chuunin exams. Gai had backed Kakashi up against Iruka’s protestations; he wondered if Gai regretted doing so now, or if it even mattered. No one could’ve predicted what a disaster the exams became. After leaving Sasuke to sleep (Kakashi might have upped his dosage of medicine, but no one could prove it, as his only witness had turned a blind eye), Gai went back to wait for news of Lee’s condition. Kakashi briefly considered switching himself out for a shadow clone to go meet with Gai, but decided that matters of national security at least required his presence, if not his full attention. 

 

Finally, the meeting drew to a close. Kakashi abdicated swiftly, not wanting to get stuck talking with Anko or the Third. He already told them everything he knew. Unaware of an impending development, he went back to the hospital and jogged in the direction of Gai’s presence yet again. This was happening more often, lately - Kakashi couldn’t remember the exact moment he started chasing Gai instead of the other way around. Most likely, he’d always been as fixated on Gai as much as Gai fixated on him, but never acknowledged his feelings until recently. 

 

Regardless, he continued through the hospital complex. But something gave him pause. He passed by Sasuke’s room and halted immediately. It was a high security unit. Yet the lingering presence of ANBU, unseen but felt by those with the aptitude to detect them (such as former special ops like Kakashi), was gone. Kakashi mentally sent Gai an apology for his tardiness, readied a backup shadow clone outside of the door just in case, and stepped into the room.

 

Three dead bodies laid on the floor in fresh pools of blood. A man stood above Sasuke’s prone form with a blade in hand. Kakashi swept forward to disarm him. It was that genin, Kabuto - the one who continuously failed the exam. 

 

The man scoffed, but did not turn around. “Only you, Kakashi…” 

 

Kakashi cut to the chase. “You’re no ordinary genin, are you?” 

 

Kabuto did not grant him a suitable answer. “You immediately detected my presence,” he commented instead. “Impressive.”

 

“What do you want with Sasuke?” Kakashi demanded. His bad feelings about the genin were justified - Kabuto was a de facto traitor to the Leaf. “If you don’t tell me, I’ll be forced to arrest and interrogate you.” 

 

Kabuto finally turned to face him with a smirk. “I wonder if you can?” 

 

Kakashi dropped the scalpel and readied a kunai in its place. “You want to test someone like me?” 

 

Kabuto only smiled. 

 

Kakashi wanted this man away from Sasuke and out of the village - but first he had to know his purpose. “What are you? Are you in league with Orochimaru?” 

 

“If you arrest me now, you won’t have enough evidence to convict me of treason,” Kabuto pointed out. He procured a kunai of his own, and held it above Sasuke’s head. “You’re acting awfully smug, considering the situation is in my favor.” 

 

Kakashi launched forward, locked a leg around Kabuto’s knee, and buffeted his weapon. He pinned Kabuto to the ground, forced his limbs backward and immobile, but Kabuto voiced no painful complaint. 

 

Kakashi looked over his shoulder. One of the downed ANBU hopped to his feet. At the same time, the door slid open revealing Kakashi’s prepared clone. 

 

Kakashi abandoned Kabuto and stood. Before he could attack, the ANBU threw kunai at the window. It cracked and shattered and the ANBU took advantage of the opening.

 

Kakashi leaned over the windowsill just in time to see the ANBU remove his mask. Falling with the rain of broken glass, Kabuto’s face grinned up at him. When Kakashi turned back to examine the room, Kabuto’s double erupted into smoke and the illusion disappeared to reveal a transfigured corpse. 

 

“Damn it,” Kakashi cursed. 

 

He dispatched ten clones to watch over Sasuke and sent another to inform the Sandaime of the situation. Then, his chakra tugged in all directions, Kakashi followed his one true north upstairs. 

 

Gai was sitting vigil at Lee’s bedside. The boy was bandaged, half-dead, his left arm and leg trapped in casts, but alive. Gai turned to smile when Kakashi burst into the room, but his expression darkened at Kakashi’s urgent demeanor, and he got up from his chair. 

 

“What is it?”

 

“Kabuto,” Kakashi said, shaking with adrenaline. “He was about to kill Sasuke but I intercepted. He’s loose in the village. He’s with Orochimaru - I  _ knew _ it - I’ve got clones guarding Sasuke, and another one is talking with the Third -  “ 

 

“Rival!” Gai clasped his hands and pushed him into the recently vacated chair. “Please, calm down. You’re talking too fast, I can barely understand what you’re saying.” 

 

Kakashi forced himself to stop and breathe, then recalled the encounter at a much slower pace. 

 

Gai frowned deeply once he finished. “This is terrible. But it is lucky that you came at the right time. I do not want to imagine what would’ve happened otherwise.”

 

“Sasuke would be dead,” Kakashi bit out. 

 

“Is your clone still conversing with the Hokage?” 

 

“Yeah - wait a minute.” Kakashi jolted as his clone dismissed itself and its memories flooded into his conscious. “There will be another meeting later on today. Triple the ANBU are at Sasuke’s room.” 

 

Gai stared at him for a moment. When Kakashi exhibited no further signs of memory supplication - which meant the other ten clones were still guarding Sasuke - he shook his head fondly. “Since when did you become so protective?” 

 

“Since the village was infiltrated.”

 

“No, I think it was before that.”

 

“Whatever.” Kakashi had no patience for sardonic implications. He slid from Gai’s warm grasp and gestured at Lee. “How is he doing?” 

 

Gai sombered again. He rested on the edge of Lee’s bed and tucked the blanket closer around his student. “The recovery will be long and arduous, but he will survive.” 

 

“That’s good,” Kakashi said, sitting up straight. “That’s all that matters.” 

 

Gai lowered his head, caught up in guilt once more. “I wish it were so.”

 

Kakashi couldn’t handle it any longer - Gai’s depression, the sight of their wounded students, the threat of infiltration lurking around every corner. His knees bounced anxiously and his head swam with errant thoughts, all of them conspiratorial and paranoid. “Gai,” he said, voice strained. 

 

His rival looked up, face drawn in miserable concern for all parties involved. Kakashi could tell he was just as distraught in the way he curled over Lee protectively, ready to fend off another posed threat. Kakashi tried to persuade him, but didn’t have much willpower left to do so - “We need to go. I need a break and so do you.” 

 

“I will not leave Lee,” Gai declared. “You just told me Sasuke was nearly murdered by one of our own shinobi! What if Kabuto returns - or those Sand nin make a move?” 

 

Kakashi frowned at Gai’s words. “You think they might be in on it?” 

 

“I don’t know! If what you say is true, anyone could be a spy.” Gai glared at him suspiciously. “How do I even know you are the real Kakashi?”

 

Kakashi easily offered him private information. “You’ve only tried to actually harm me once,” he said, “when we were finishing a mission in the Land of Waves and I ordered turtle stew without telling you what it was.” 

 

Gai scowled, recollecting the tale himself. “You fed me the brethren of my summons!” 

 

“It was deliciously hilarious.” Kakashi stood up, softening, and put his hand on Gai’s shoulder. “Come on. We’ve got until the meeting with the Hokage.” 

 

“I  _ can’t _ ,” Gai said. 

 

“You have to,” Kakashi told him. “I thought I was supposed to be the one without any self-preservation?” He rolled his eyes at the lack of response and summoned another batch of clones to stand watch over Lee. 

 

This made him sway on his feet. The sealing process, the fight with Kabuto, the entire day - all of it drained him and his chakra reserves considerably. Gai jumped up to steady him and waved at the clones, as if they’d dissipate like a cloud of fog. “Kakashi, get rid of them! I will take care of my own pupil!” At this, Gai summoned his own clones, and Kakashi was instantly surrounded by multiple handsome rivals. 

 

In any other situation, he’d make some disparagingly scandalous remark. Now, he only recalled his own clones and leaned into Gai for stability. “Let’s go.”

 

Gai sent Lee a final look, then shepherded Kakashi out of the room. “Your place or mine?” 

 

“I don’t care,” Kakashi said. At this point all he wanted was to be alone with Gai in a dark, locked room.

 

“Very well,” Gai said. 

 

Gai took lead in the direction of Kakashi’s apartment. Kakashi figured it was because momentos of Gai’s team were everywhere in his home, and he knew that Kakashi wasn’t nearly as sentimental and didn’t keep any knickknacks besides the one picture of Team 7 on his end table. 

 

Gai made use of his spare key. Kakashi immediately struck a beeline for the bedroom, and Gai followed without a word. He shed his vest, mask, and hitai-ate upon passing the threshold. 

 

“You’ve got extra clothes here, right?” he mumbled. 

 

“I believe so,” Gai said, a bit confused. 

 

Kakashi fished around the messy floor until he procured a large t-shirt and sweatpants. He had a penchant for wearing Gai’s clothes. They were loose and comfortable and smelled like Gai. Usually Gai would comment on such an act, but now he just awkwardly stood at the doorway. 

 

“Come on,” Kakashi said, realizing there would be no relaxation for either of them. He dragged Gai to the kitchen, pushed him into a chair, and retrieved a bottle of liquor and two glasses. 

 

“Rival,” Gai said as he poured them each a drink, “I don’t think this is a good idea.” 

 

“Suit yourself.” Kakashi downed his glass, then reached for Gai’s. 

 

Gai held his wrist before he could pick it up. “I didn’t say no.” 

 

Kakashi sat across from him and they commenced drinking their troubles away. Just enough to numb themselves of the day’s events. Kakashi slumped over the table, finishing his third drink. They were seasoned shinobi - it’d take a lot to bring them under the influence, but their shared buzz was undeniable. 

 

“That’s enough,” Gai said when Kakashi lowered his glass.

 

Kakashi whined, reaching for the liquor bottle. “One more.”

 

Gai slid it out of reach. “The village could be attacked at any moment. We can’t be compromised with our pants down.” 

 

“My pants aren’t down,” Kakashi said, “unless you want them to be.” 

 

“At a time like this, you still find ways to be perverted?” Gai asked incredulously. He was smiling though, so Kakashi considered it a victory. 

 

“Always,” Kakashi replied. His humorous tone faded and he dropped his head onto the table. If he wasn’t allowed to drink anymore, at least he could sulk. 

 

Gai seemed to be on the same page and lowered too. They stared at each other for a long time, lost in their thoughts but not alone. 

 

“Kabuto’s father was a doctor,” Kakashi said all of a sudden. 

 

Gai frowned, his cheek smooshed into the tabletop. “And?” 

 

“The body double he used was a corpse. He surgically altered the face to look like him.” 

 

“He isn’t an ordinary genin, like you said,” Gai mentioned. 

 

“His intentions aren’t ordinary either,” Kakashi continued. “Why would Orochimaru want a subordinate with medical expertise? What are they planning to do to Sasuke?” 

 

“I don’t know. We can’t know until the Sandaime collects more intelligence.” 

 

“I don’t want to wait. Besides…” Kakashi sat up, crossed his arms, and glared at the floor. “Kabuto took out three ANBU without a problem. I don’t think I trust their abilities anymore.” 

 

Gai mirrored his movements, but stared at Kakashi instead of the floor. “What are you saying? Do you intend to go after Kabuto and Orochimaru yourself?” 

 

Kakashi shrugged. “Might as well redeem myself.” 

 

“Trust me, I know how you feel - ” 

 

Kakashi snapped his head up and sqaurely met Gai’s gaze. “I thought you’d understand.” 

 

“This is not about redemption,” Gai said. 

 

“Either way, the village needs someone to follow this lead!” 

 

Gai raised a brow. “And you consider yourself above Konoha’s special ops?” 

 

“Yes,” Kakashi said at length. 

 

Knowing Kakashi wouldn’t be moved, Gai sighed with exasperated finality. “Then I will go with you.” 

 

Kakashi immediately shot him down. “You don’t have the training.” 

 

“Do not patronize me, Rival. I am perfectly capable of assisting you in this task.”

 

“Lee needs you,” Kakashi tried instead. It was a cheap move, but, he hoped, an effective one. “He needs you to be there when he wakes up.” 

 

Gai’s face scrunched with rage. His chair screeched across the floor as he pushed away from the table and stood. “Lee is in a coma.”

 

Kakashi blinked, indignation vanishing at Gai’s announcement. His arms dropped limp to his sides. “I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

Gai took a deep breath and turned away. “I couldn’t bear to inform you of my own fault.” 

 

“You did not do that to him,” Kakashi vowed. He rounded the table and jabbed Gai in the chest. “Gaara did.” 

 

“He should have forfeited the fight,” Gai said. His loss of composure exacerbated by alcohol, he furiously wiped his eyes as he began to cry. “I shouldn’t have pushed him so hard!” 

 

Losing control of his emotions as well, Kakashi grabbed Gai’s hands, which kept him from hiding his tears. “Do you hear yourself right now?” Kakashi demanded angrily. “It’s pathetic!” 

 

“I know!” Gai tore out of his grip, stumbled backward into the counter. Tears streamed down his face, his misery in full view within the darkened kitchen. “I’ve lost everything, Kakashi!” 

 

“He’s still alive, you moron!”

 

“When Lee wakes up I will have to tell him he can longer be a shinobi. It will ruin me.” Gai’s chest heaved uncontrollably as his breathing and voice stuttered. “And you - you saw firsthand what these monsters are capable of! What if they come after him next?” 

 

The space between them felt like an abyssal gulf. Kakashi raked his hands through his hair, fearing that he’d hit Gai if he did not busy himself somehow. “Then you should stay by his side. That’s the only way he’ll be safe.”

 

“Lee will not be safe until this threat is dealt with!” 

 

Unable to look at Gai anymore, Kakashi pivoted and braced his hands on the sink. “You aren’t going and that’s final.” 

 

Gai’s tears subsided to anger. He fist wrapped around Kakashi’s arm and wrenched him forward, so that they pressed together chest to chest. “You don’t dictate what I can and cannot do.”

 

Kakashi returned his glare coldly. “If you don’t let go of me Lee won’t be the only one in a coma.” 

 

“You are selfish,” Gai spat and pushed him away. Kakashi collided with the table; Gai strode forward, refusing to give up. “You’re doing this to protect Sasuke when you couldn’t before. Why are you denying me the same need to protect Lee?” 

 

“ _ Because _ ,” Kakashi stressed, “I don’t know the full extent of what Orochimaru is capable.” 

 

Gai towered over him, his impressive build at full width and height. “You are a hypocrite! You told me before this was about our students, not our own feelings.”

 

Kakashi widened his stance and brought his hands up, ready for combat. “Gai, I’m warning you.” 

 

Gai froze. The only time Gai seriously intended to fight Kakashi it was over some turtle soup - nothing came of it after Kakashi admitted his mistake, and Gai profusely apologized afterward with the promise he would never instigate Kakashi to retaliation again. Kakashi was using his promise against him. 

 

“You’re right,” Kakashi said, “I am selfish, and I am a hypocrite. This isn’t about whether or not you can handle it. This is about what I can handle, and I can’t handle seeing you get hurt. That includes something happening to Lee while you’re away and unable to stop it.” He lowered his stance regrettably. “I’m going to do this, and I’m going to do it alone.” 

 

Gai didn’t put up a fight; there was no fight left in him. He said nothing and walked away.

 

Kakashi followed him to the front door. “Where are you going? You don’t have to leave.” 

 

“You’ve made it clear that I am of no help,” Gai said bitterly. “I will see you at the Hokage’s office.” 

 

“That’s not what I meant - wait!” Kakashi slammed the door shut just as Gai opened it. “Don’t go.” 

 

Gai shoved him aside. “Goodbye, Kakashi.” 

 

Kakashi cursed once Gai left. He cursed himself, he cursed Orochimaru, and he cursed this entire godforsaken day. 

 

With nothing else to do, he redressed and went off to search for Kabuto.   
  
  



End file.
